Horizons Developmental Resource Center
Evaluation and Treatment of Autism, Aspergers, ADHD, Learning Disabilities, Sensory Processing Disorder, Behavior Disorders
As I was wandering around the Minneapolis airport recently, I found a store with a variety of posters, cards, and wall hangings with quotes and sayings on them. As I perused the options, I found one that I had to purchase and bring back to the office. Here is the quote:
Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart. (Author unknown)
I’ll never forget my first job. I started working at a very small restaurant, about 20 tables, with only one other waitress. The first day on the job I was handed an apron, a pad of paper, and a pen; and told to get to work. I was given no guidance on how to wait tables. The restaurant became immediately busy, and I just started taking orders. Miraculously, I got the drinks out to the right tables; but by the time the food orders were up, I had no idea where to go with the orders. I started walking up to my tables and asking; “Did you order the shrimp basket?” “Please tell me that you ordered the shrimp basket!” “Somebody from this table must have ordered the shrimp basket!!!” As you can imagine, my stress increased as the restaurant got busier and I still had no idea where to bring the food! I failed at my job that day, and was feeing completely incompetent as a waitress; especially when my boss told me how disappointed he was in me!
Winter can start to feel long by this point in the season, especially for those of us living in cold climates! The holidays are long gone, early mornings and routines are back in full swing, and our bodies are likely digesting more fat and sugar than normal. The sun seems rarely to shine, at least here in Michigan; and exercise is hard to come by with snowy, blistery days. Let’s just face it; winter can be a tough season leaving many people in a slump, depressed, and finding that motivation takes effort. This can especially be the case when parenting children with autism, ADHD, and other neurodevelopmental disorders. Below are a few helpful tools for beating the wintertime blues – and feeling good while doing it.
It was one of those perfect days. The sun was out, the temperature was just right, around 70 degrees. The pressures of life were minimal for a few hours, but a wonderful few hours they were. I walked outside to join my daughters while they played. I planted some flowers, pulled some weeds, and freshened up the look of my front yard landscaping. Once I finished, one of the girls suggested that we go for a bike ride. The males of the family were taking a nice Sunday afternoon nap, so I thought “Sure!” – and off we went with the girls’ “American Girl Dolls” in the baby seat behind me. We rode around and ended up at a nearby park. The girls and their dolls enjoyed a little time at the park and then we journeyed home. When we arrived back, the boys were awake, so we started a riveting game of family kick ball. This to me was a perfect afternoon. I felt refreshed and reenergized as I faced a new week.
Whether your child has been diagnosed with autism, or another neurodevelopmental disorder, or you suspect that your child has some atypical developmental characteristics, you may feel confused and overwhelmed regarding treatment options. There are many different approaches that can be beneficial depending on your child’s specific symptoms and needs. It can be frustrating and challenging for parents to research all the options available, decide what to try, and then access the appropriate treatments.
Parenting Thoughts For the New Year: Changing “I Should” to “I Could”
By: Nicole Beurkens, M.Ed.
The start of a new calendar year tends to be a time for us to reflect on the past year, and also make plans for what we envision in the 12 months ahead. Some people make resolutions, write to-do lists, or set goals for themselves. What often happens with these lists and resolutions, however, is that they fall by the wayside shortly after they’ve been written. One of the reasons for this is the pressure we put on ourselves to accomplish these things; and that pressure and level of expectation leads to stress, resentment, and ultimately giving up on what we originally set out to do.
I recently heard someone talk about changing our “I should” to “I coulds.” That really resonated with me on a personal and professional level, as it seems so easy to get caught in the trap of stressing about everything I “should” do. When we think of things in terms of “I should,” we exist in a pressured state of feeling forced to do something. Thinking about what I “could” do shifts us into a mindset of choice—I am deciding in this moment whether to do this thing. It not only sounds different, but it feels different to phrase options from the perspective of “I could” instead of “I should.” There is an internal mindset shift that occurs when we do this; and it allows us to move forward with trying to do the things we could, instead of getting stuck in the mode of pressuring ourselves to do what we should.
Since we are at the start of a new year, we have the opportunity to think about the year ahead in terms of “I coulds.” Instead of making lists of all the things we “should” do, why not think about all we could do and accomplish this year? Here are some simple ways we can apply this thinking to our parenting and the relationships we have with our children:
How about you? What are some of the “I shoulds” that have been hovering over you and your life? Take a few moments to write down all the “shoulds” that come to mind – just jot them down in whatever order you think of them. Your list might include household chores or projects, such as doing the laundry or repairing something that’s broken; personal ideals such as losing weight; activities with your children, etc. Once you have your list, go through and read each one using the phrasing “I could…”. Notice how you respond mentally and physically to thinking about each item on your list as a “could” versus a “should.” When these things arise for you on a daily basis, focus on shifting into the choice mode of “I could” instead of the pressure mode of “I should.” Let’s make the coming year a year of “coulds!”
Taking a break is so critical for all of us. Many of the schools in this area will be starting their spring breaks tomorrow. Many others around the country have just had break or will have a break coming shortly. I have often thought about how spring break came to be, but after the many years working in the schools I know how important this break is. After the long winter months without a break both the adults and children need some time to rest and regroup.
We all need breaks to rest and be refreshed. Even if you don’t work in a school I’m sure you feel the need for short breaks throughout your year. Although I will only be taking a few days off next week I am looking forward to a break. My mind needs a rest and a chance to refresh.
As difficult as it may be for those of you with children on the spectrum to find a time for a break I think it is so very important even if the break is a 30 minute trip to the mall or a walk around the block. This is critical for you.
Please take some time over the next week to take a break. Refresh, regroup and look at your situation anew.
Talk to you soon,
Erin
As I was preparing for bed last night I was thinking about the past week and thinking ahead to what is coming up. I can’t believe that over a week has already passed since I arrived home from San Diego so much has happened since then. As I sat preparing for the last quick trip of the summer (an overnight to Chicago) I was reflecting back to where I was 1 year ago.
For the past 12 summers I have spent at least a few weeks of time organizing my schedule, trying to make preliminary groups of speech students and outlining an overall plan for the year for each of my speech students. As the school year approached I would feel my stress level begin to rise just thinking of all of the things that would need to be accomplished over the course of the year.
This summer is different. I am only working part time in the school this year and during that time I will be the autism teacher consultant for the district. This meant I did not need to spend the weeks preparing for a speech caseload. While I will miss working with these students I have one less thing to focus on this year. I am so excited about working at Horizons part time. My stress is so much less heading into this school year.
So as the new school year quickly approaches take a moment to evaluate whether there may be something that you can reduce or eliminate from your child’s or families schedule to reduce the stress in all of your lives. Believe me it makes for a healthier, happier lifestyle.
Talk to you soon,
Erin
I am once again going to roll with what Nicole has talked about and add my thoughts. We have found a pattern as we continue our work with families. May is the time of IEP’s and thinking about the year to come. This is the time of year when phone calls and e-mails are endless looking for support on what to do with the next year. Here are some thoughts to help you through this stressful time of year:
On that note, I just want to encourage you to enjoy the ride of raising your children. They grow up so fast and it is so easy to get caught up in the stress of school and in the mean time miss so much valuable time with your children. I know as a working mom there are days that I have a lot on my mind and a full day can go by without truly engaging my girls because my mind isn’t with them, instead it’s on getting x done or scheduling y. In the mean time I’ve missed a day of their quickly changing lives. Don’t be afraid to sit back, relax and enjoy your children and the process of watching them grow.
Until next time! Michelle
This is the time of year when many people in my day to day world go into crisis. In my school job I work with many teachers and staff who go into job crisis because there is so much to do and so little time to get it done before summer break. We are all scurrying around like mad people trying to accomplish more than can be done in a 7 hour school day. In my work as an RDI consultant I work with many families who begin to enter a crisis of their own when the end of the school year begins to loom. Not because there is so much to be done, but because there is a wide empty space of time that comes with the ending of school for the year. Many parents start thinking what will I do with my child for 10 whole weeks.
I admit I get a bit stressed at this time of year myself and can put myself into crisis mode. This is the way I was feeling yesterday as I rushed around and tried to do a million things in a day. I felt like I was on a roller coaster and I was exhausted.
I had the pleasure of doing a presentation with our OT, Sarah last night on the new feeding program we are using at Horizons. The presentation went well and I left feeling like I was helping some families. After leaving I decided to stop at Barnes and Noble as one of my favorite authors just released a new book and there was another book I wanted to check out. So I stopped and as I walked into the store I felt a calm come over me. I love Barnes and Noble and I love to read so I think I just felt good knowing I was going to get a book to read just for fun. As I was wandering around the store I made up my mind that being in crisis and all stressed out is no fun. It’s just not worth it. So I went home got things ready for today and went to be early to read a bit and get a good night’s sleep. I woke up this morning in a much better mood feeling refreshed and ready for the day. I don’t feel guilty about not working on things at home last night. The work will get done. It always does.
The saying on my calendar this morning was “Do we ever do enough?” I think the answer to that question is sometimes, Yes! Sometimes what we have done is enough. We need to take time to “smell the roses” as the old saying goes. It is okay to slow down, take a night off, watch a movie, read, just be. Sometimes these things are enough.
Are you in crisis? Take a minute and ask yourself if it is really worth it. Slow down and think about what it might take to help you out of crisis. Don’t be afraid to ask for help or just take a break for a bit.
I am going to do my best to leave crisis behind and I hope you will as well.
Talk to you soon,
Erin
